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Hey Greg Why Don t You Go Piss Your Pants Again

Written By Wednesday, 18 May 2022 Add Comment Edit

Greg the Bunny (2002-2005) is an American sitcom, airing on the Fox Network, about a squeaky-voiced rabbit puppet, who longs to alive the high life -- one where he'south got a job or something -- and his best friend and roommate, Jimmy Bender, who is a slacker -- not to mention a human.

Unaired Pilot [edit]

Gil: Look who it is. Mr. Brando. Welcome. Okay, you know what, fellas? You lot got a great appreciation for comedy. I got a joke for you. What do you get when you cross a half-wit bunny with a big disappointment?
Jimmy: What?
Gil: Out. That'due south what you lot get. You get out. You're fired.
Jimmy: Look, Greg, we had a bargain. You lot support u.s.a. while I finish medical schoolhouse.
Greg: Oh, Jimmy, delight. "Medical School" is a ridiculous name for a comic book.
Jimmy: It's a graphic novel. This is serious literature. See, the child, and he breaks his arm, and the evil doctors come up, and, "Where are you taking me?" "We're taking you lot to Medical School!"
Greg: Oh, Jesus, we're gonna starve.

Season i [edit]

Welcome to Sweetknuckle Junction [1.1] [edit]

Greg: So, puppets and humans may seem dissimilar, but, you know, in the end, nosotros all want the same things. Love, acceptance, and... to luck our way into a cushy task that we really don't deserve.
Greg: Jimmy, y'all know how difficult it is for me to get a job out there. I am sick of working one twenty-four hour period a year on Easter.
Greg: Hey, Jimmy. Didja see what's on Idiot box?
Jimmy: What?
Greg: Not me!
Gil: Alright, allow me tell y'all something about television. I vouched for him to the network! Okay? I expressed an opinion! That's the kind of thing that ends careers in this business concern.
Greg: Sorry. It'south just that, I mean, I--I beloved you! I--I've seen everything you've e'er done! "Godspell," um, "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Glaze"...
Warren: Yes, well, if it was lame and most Jesus, I was in that location.
Greg: Wow. Count Blah, can I just say that you scared the piss out of me. And I mean that from the heart, sir.
Blah: Delight. You may telephone call me Blah, blah.
Greg: Okay. Blah Blah.
Blah: No. Only Apathetic... apathetic.
Greg: Merely... Apathetic Blah.
Blah: Apathetic! My boy, it is simple. Just Apathetic... blah.
Greg: But Blah... Apathetic.
Blah: Look, don't turn this into a frickin' Abbott and Costello routine, okay? Just call me Blah, and leave it at that.
Greg: [singing] Snowball, snowball, what do you practice with snowfall? You lot ball information technology upwards, and brand it stick, and then y'all hurl it like a brick. Snowball, y'all are my all-time friend. Snowball, your love never ends. Whether y'all are white or yellowish, yous are sure my favorite boyfriend. Snowball, I'm in love with you lot. Snowball, you complete me. Snowball, yous make me rock my world.
Alison: Yous're right. He'due south beautiful. He's quick. He does improv. He's like Robin Williams.
Gil: Yeah. But not as furry.
Gil: Yes, Warren. Uh, we're having a little casting session in here. Nosotros're, uh, thinking of making a pocket-sized cast change.
Warren: Yous spotty bounder! I requite you the best years of my life, and this is how you repay me? Well, the joke'southward on you, yous godless bloodsucker! I am an actor. Hmm-mm. Yes, I take range. And I don't need your insipid, little morbid testify!
Gil: I but want y'all to read with the other actors, Warren. Nosotros're replacing Rochester.
Warren: Oh. Well, apparently, yous practise read the suggestion box.
Alison: I know that. I know that. I'one thousand as sentimental every bit the adjacent person, Gil. Trust me, I'grand and then sentimental. But his--his fur is thinning, and his ears are drooping, and it'south gross. We--we need to find the side by side Elmo if nosotros're gonna reach a younger audition.
Gil: A younger audience? We already reach 4-year-olds. How immature practise yous wanna get? Fetal?
Gil: Guys, guys, can we just try and become this right, considering the new boss from the network is hither.
Dottie: Where'd she come from?
Gil: PBS.
Blah: Looks more like PMS, blah.
Gil: The, uh, the line, Rochester, is, "Can static electricity be used to light up a Christmas tree?"
Rochester: Yeah, well, the merely thing that'due south lit up is Warren.
Gil: Alright. Alright. Send your friend in, I'll see what I can practise. But, Jimmy, I'm actually worried near you, son. You know, I just read this article about children of highly successful fathers. And these kids, they sabotage their own futures, 'cause they can't compete with their father'south, you know, brilliant accomplishments.
Jimmy: You babysit actors on some lame kiddie show.
Greg: Fact: There are iii.ii million puppets -- or as we prefer to exist called, Fabricated Americans -- currently residing in the United states of america. And, despite all of our many accomplishments, most people would still rather chamois their motorcar with the states than have us appointment their daughters. Simply, you know, I don't let it get me down. Hey, after all, y'all know, some of my best friends are humans.
Greg: Yeah, well, at least you have a job. It is impossible for a puppet to find work out there.
Jimmy: Well, they're hiring at the arcade.
Greg: Yes. Dollar fifty an hr to be a whack-a-mole. I don't think so. You should meet the guy I'd be replacing. Talks like Mohammed Ali.

SK-2.0 (a.grand.a. How the Count Got His Blah Back) [1.2] [edit]

Greg: Needless to say, we went back to the former Sweetknuckle Junction. Alison told Jimmy that his ideas but weren't jelling creatively with the network. Not to mention all the lawsuits we got from the parents of those twitching kids. Jimmy, you know, the hard-driven creative consultant went back to just being, well... Jimmy. And that'due south a'ight with me.
Alison: You know, I really feel nifty nearly this new management. I just--yous know, information technology'southward--it's fun, and it's fresh, and it's--information technology'southward full of new ideas.
Jimmy: Then why are nosotros testing it?
Alison: To see if we similar information technology.
Warren: I await fat. P-h-a-t phat.
Dottie: You lot retrieve I'm fat.
Apathetic: No, that'south--that's Warren.
Warren: Would yous like a fistful of aureate, Liberace?
Apathetic: Oh, Liberace. Tough talk coming from Notorious P.I.G.
Dottie: Jimmy, I like this outfit, but... don't you lot call back it's a bit much? I mean, my grandmother watches this show.
Jimmy: Well, Dottie, we're not doing this show for the grandmothers. We're doing it for the kids.
Dottie: Oh, okay. As long equally it'south for the kids. I'll just be practicing on my go-become pole.
Greg: Why didn't you only call a physician?
Warren: Oh, yes, there'due south a fine way to brand my case with the network. "Oh, I am not overweight, I tell you. And, by the style, here's the bill from when my ass exploded."
Warren: I am not fat! I... don't be ridiculous! Of course, I can touch my toes! Here, I volition prove it to you.
[rip]
Warren: Uh... um, something ripped. No, I'yard not wearing pants! I... Maury... I--I recollect I just tore myself a new one.
Gil: Yeah, well, similar I said, it's not my problem.
Dottie: But that'south what you lot do. When we complain, you gear up.
Gil: Elevation four answers on the board. Show me "Not My Trouble." Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Warren: Yep, I'd like to change categories, and take "Television's Biggest Jackasses" for $400.
Alison: Jimmy. He'southward Gil's son. I'1000 putting him in charge. He's the... P.A.
Warren: Expect, I have to heed to the kid who lets my coffee go common cold? While you're at it, why don't yous brand Tardy Turtle the head of the network?
Alison: I know you all fear change, and so from now on, any changes will be referred to as "enhancements."
Dottie: Oh, I got enhancements.
Gil: You tin't put the future of this testify in the easily of a P.A. A P.A. who, by the way, only has the job 'cause I'm trying to give that moron some cocky confidence.
Gil: Yes, Alison.
Alison: Jimmy just left my office.
Gil: Oh, God. Whatsoever he did, wherever he touched you, I apologize.
Alison: No, he was telling me his ideas for the show.
Gil: Oy. I apologize for that, too.
Jimmy: See, at present this i'due south the bullet train. So I'm thinkin' argent. I'm thinkin', yous know, James Cameron. Like--like, The Matrix.
Gil: Yeah, you're thinking The Matrix, but you lot're babbling like Rain Human.
Jimmy: Oh, delight. The cartoon railroad train station?
Alison: Information technology's true. Yous know, kids today don't even like trains.
Gil: Everybody likes trains!
Alison: No, Gil, accept yous been on a train? It's depressing. Nobody wants to spend their vacation staring at poor people'south backyards.
Greg: There's an quondam saying: If it ain't bankrupt, don't fix it. And, personally, I never liked that saying. No, I thought it should go: If it'southward workin' alright, merely say goodnight. Huh, see, 'cause, well, for starters, it rhymes. And... well, anyway, who would I talk to about changing that?
Gil: Ah, network testing. What could exist more than fun than this? Oh, I know. Who wants to kick me in the face?
Warren: Ooh. [Raises hand] Heh heh. Oh, I'm sorry, was that a rhetorical question?

The Jewel Heist [1.iii] [edit]

Jack: Well, in that location's your problem there. In fact, you got two problems. And they're both between his legs.
Blah: Eh, what? They look fine to me, apathetic. I wish mine looked that healthy. Mine hang so low, I need a cold shower before I can go on an escalator, blah.
Alison: Yous don't take the guts. Drop it.
Dottie: You drop it.
Susan: Ladies, ladies. Let'due south only cool out. Now let's all agree that it'd be nice to have a penis. Merely the sad truth is, we don't. And some of us probably never will.
Greg: Oh. How-do-you-do. I, uh, I must've, uh, dozed off.
Jimmy: Right next to the killer domestic dog, no less.
Chelsea: Oh, aren't they beautiful.
Greg: Well. Yeah. You know, uh, he does seem much calmer, doesn't he? I estimate nosotros patched things upwardly.
Chelsea: Oh my God. Oh my God. James, what did he do to my dog?! Make information technology finish!
Jimmy: Hey, what happened?
Greg: Oh, Jimmy. Come on--what do you desire me to say, human being? You want me to say that Jack came over hither, neutered the pooch and replaced his kabangers with Sammy Davis, Jr.'s eyes? Is that what you want me to say?
Greg: He attacked me.
Chelsea: You must have been taunting him!
Greg: Oh, you know, you should be a rape advisor.
Greg: My fur is agonized.
Bucky: I am going to violate you, bunny.
Burnt Leader: I am a man of mystery.
Chelsea: Okay, yous're apologizing to him?
Jimmy: Yes, well, expect--
Chelsea: He castrated my dog!
Greg: Yous castrated my best friend.
Warren: Hey, what do humans run into in these things, anyway? If I wanted someone to lick my face and poop on my lawn, I'd get dorsum together with Farrah Fawcett.
Greg: Jimmy, come on, this is paintball! We practiced for a calendar month! Nosotros devised intricate battle plans! I even had myself Scotchguarded!
Greg: Oh my God! Oh my God! Stop! Sit! Play dead! Play paralyzed! Play anything! Simply play information technology away from me!
Paintball Instructor: While the paintball is designed to not break the skin, oh, they do interruption the skin. They crusade pain, welts, and -- if'due north you're non wearing your goggles -- a niggling something I phone call "painteye." I.east., blindness.
Warren: Did he merely say, "blindness."
Blah: Yeah, apathetic. He also said, "if'n."
Jack: We're going to Greg'south place. He needs our help.
Blah: Why, what'southward wrong, blah?
Jack: At that place's no fourth dimension to explicate.
Blah: Wait a minute. There's plenty of time to explain, apathetic. Greg's place is, like, xl minutes away.
Greg: Oh, Chelsea wants. Expect at you, man. Y'all're on a shorter ternion than her stupid dog. You know, we used to hang out. We used to play Nintendo. Nosotros used to melt stuff.
Jimmy: Oh, Greg, that's so beautiful. That you're jealous. I mean, don't worry. Information technology's perfectly normal. Perfectly healthy. Just a tad bit gay.
Greg: Oh, yeah. Says the guy with the sweater tied effectually his shirt.
Chelsea: Hey, James. Winston had a footling accident on your backyard.
Greg: Ooh, is he dead? Oh. That kind of accident.
Alison: You lot organized the game.
Gil: I'm... not sure that'south... true. Uh, Doris, would you find out who organized the paintball game, and why the ladies weren't invited?
Dottie: Y'all're talking into a humidor.
Gil: Doris, what happened to my intercom?
Dottie: There is no Doris.
Gil: Edna, would yous observe out what happened to Doris?
Gil: Finish of word.
Warren: No, it is not end of discussion, Gil! I do non want to sing this song with Dottie! I do non want to sing this song with Blah! I desire to sing this song all past myself, yous hear me? Me, me, me, me, me!
Gil: Warren, I actually don't call back this is the right attitude for "The Sharing Song."
Dottie: Gil organized a large paintball war for this weekend. Apparently, shooting each other is supposed to promote office unity.
Greg: Teamwork. Ii people of like listen working together for the common good. Nothing can beat out it... Well, except mayhap iii people of like mind.

Greg Gets Puppish [one.4] [edit]

Jimmy: That is i pissed off bunny.
Gil: I take a feeling this is going to terminate with puppets rioting in the streets. This is the Fozzie Behave verdict all over again.
Warren: Aye, you know, the boy is absolutely correct. The way we puppets are depicted on television is deplorable.
Gil: You play a professor.
Warren: Not a good ane. I'm drunk one-half the time.
Jack: What do you go when you add together two pieces of ice with one piece of water ice?
Greg: What?
Jack: Threezing. Brrrr!
Gil: ...but the, uh, the truth is -- and it pains me to say this -- uh, that outfit makes you wait, uh, fatty. I hateful, really, really heavy.
Alison: Yes. Yeah. Absolutely. Like, morbidly obese. You know, like, people are going to say, you lot know, "What did he eat? Wilson Phillips?" She's not fat anymore, simply there'due south three of them.
Jack: I once saw a street puppet in an outfit like that go hitting by a motorcar. Flew 30 feet. Looked similar a clown shot out of a cannon. Except there was no net, so it was... funny in a different mode.
Warren: Oh, God. Yous know something? I wish one of the voices in your head would just tell you to shut the hell up.
Greg: ...then, he reached out--
Janice Lookalike: He touched you?!
Tardy: Nobody's 'upposed to touch me where my bathing suit covers!
Dottie: Okay! She wasn't my friend, she was my maid! Okay?! My maid was a boob! Is that what you lot wanted to hear?! Does that make yous happy?!
Warren: Hey, my maid's a puppet. Y'all know, she'southward terrible, merely she's illegal, so I can pay her dirt.
Warren: Well, you guys cover your asses faster than the new guy in D Block.
Greg: The philosopher Wittgenstein once wrote that, since it is through linguistic communication that we think, it is language that limits us. And while the Puppish linguistic communication may have xvi words for "furry," it apparently has no word for "Jimmy." If y'all enquire me, that just blows.
Gil: ...and our little friend, Greg... Beetle-Beetlejuice.
Greg: It's Bizzlebosh. I call up. And don't say "Beetlejuice" two more than times.
Greg: So much of life comes downwardly to choosing sides. Growing up, Jimmy and I were always on the same side. Mostly because no side ever wanted either one of united states. Except in softball, where I was quite the stud. But, uh, you know, in all fairness, only because my strike zone is smaller than the ball.
Greg (angrily): They just want me to shut up and have my clothes off..
Jimmy: Why don't they get Warren to shut up and Dottie to take her dress off?
Hurbada Hymena: Yous need to penetrate and personify proper puppet power!
Jimmy: Dude, you were crying?
Greg: Oh, you're one to talk! You lot bawl like a infant every time you watch Rudy!
Jimmy: Yeah, considering he's so fiddling, but he tries so big...
Greg: Warren, you lot are a self-hating sock!
Warren: Self-hating sock with a mini-refrigerator.

The Singing Mailman [1.5] [edit]

Tardy: [driving a forklift he has just picked up a bicycle rack with] Now I'grand strong!
Greg: Are you okay, Dottie?
Dottie: (crying) Yes Greg, now go away
Greg: You lot don't look okay -- what's incorrect?
Dottie: I tin can't tell y'all, it's as well embarassing
Greg: Is it more than embarrassing than peeing pants during a lilliputian league game and then to hibernate it you fall in a puddle only nobody buys it and everyone starts calling you "Puddle Pants"?
Dottie: Yes it'southward more embarrassing.
Greg: Is information technology more embarrassing than seeing 'Nightmare on Elm Street' and you're and so scared you pee youself and then you pour soda on it but nobody buys it and everyone changes your nickname from "Puddle Pants" to "Pepsi Pants"?
Dottie: Yes Greg, information technology's more than embarrassing.
Greg: Oh... then what's incorrect?
Dottie: Ira was actually into MC Hammer. So one nighttime I set up a video camera...and I danced around seductively to 'U Tin't Touch This'...He said he's going to put the tape on the internet so everyone will encounter it.
Jimmy: Hey, in that location he goes. He's pulling in to that scuzzy motel.
Warren: Oh, wow. I am having full deja vu. Oh, that'south right -- I bring whores here.
Leo: Alright, yous're all such great actors -- why don't y'all act like you're putting your weapons downwardly.
Blah: Jack, you lot were in 'Nam. What do you exercise when someone points a weapon at you, blah?
Jack: Y'all spend three years in a bamboo cage.
Warren: Leo, Warren Demontague. The pleasure is mutual. Looking forward to our scene together.
Leo: Right me if I'm wrong. Simply if I'm playing a mailman, why would I be doing a scene with a canis familiaris?
Warren: I, sir, am an actor kickoff, a boob 2nd, and an ape third! I am not a canis familiaris! But if I were, I would bite you thusly!
Dottie: Oh, there you are, Gil. I hear you're casting for a singing mailman.
Gil: Yep. He delivers letters... of the alphabet.
Alison: Oh my God. And and then, instead of taking me home -- which I asked him, obviously, to take me dwelling -- he takes me to his home. Become it? Like, his abode. Merely then this forenoon--
Gil: Alison, sometimes I ask people "What'southward new" just to exist polite.
Greg: Then, everyone makes mistakes. But, hey, that's okay, as long as you also make friends. Friends'll exercise anything for yous. Especially if they have friends who'll do anything for a couch.
Alison: Uh, by the way, I know most the gin in your suck nozzle.
Hamster: I got your suck nozzle correct here, sis.
Dottie: Oh, and by the style, guys, uh, Leo is a little quirky. He'd prefer information technology if y'all didn't talk to him too much.
Blah: Well, fine, the last thing nosotros demand is a disgruntled, singing postal worker, blah.
Alison: Gil, who is that?
Gil: That's our new mailman.
Alison: He's creepy. He looks like a real mailman.
Warren: Well, I, for one, welcome my brother from the stage. It will be nice to finally take a truthful actor to assistance me acquit the prove'south full dramatic weight.
Gil: Warren, here's your assistant for the Punky the Chunky Monkey sketch. Try not to eat it this time.
Warren: Well. That was... unfortunate timing.
Dottie: [singing] Hey, Mr. Mailman, what's in your sack?
Leo: [singing] Letters for Dottie, letters for Jack. I paw out messages, that's what I do. I hand out messages to you, you and you. I laissez passer out messages from dark 'till noon. I make people happy equally I yodel a tune. Odelay, odelay-hee-hoo. Odelay, odelay, odelay-hee-hoo. Odelay, odelay-hee-hoo. Odelay, odelay-hey.
Alison: [to Gil] I don't know where this guy came from, only return to sender... 'Cause he'southward a mailman, and he's... bad.
Dottie: You're not going to believe who I can get for this role! When you think of Broadway, who do you think of?
Gil: Nathan Lane?! You can get Nathan Lane?!
Dottie: No, bigger! Leo Kornelly!
Gil: Ahhh! Never heard of him.
Dottie: He's been in everything. He'southward huge. He's got more Tonys than the mob.
[rim shot]
Gil: Tardy, become off the drums.
Tardy: Drumsticks can besides be craven.
Warren: Alright, men, let's go a weapons cheque.
Jack: I got a wrench.
Greg: I got a rope.
Blah: I got a candlestick.
Jimmy: Guys, we're going to crush upwards Leo, not play Clue.
Dottie: You're very skilful.
Leo: I know! So when I saw on the casting call that your bear witness was looking to add a singing mailman, I thought, "What a coincidence! You guys need a singing mailman, and I accept your dirty record!"
Warren: Uh, Gil, uh, the human being is a genius.
Blah: Aye, clearly ahead of his time, blah.
Alison: Yeah, well, if he'south ahead of his time, that doesn't do us any good at present, does it?
Blah: Yeah, well, he'due south only about 3 weeks ahead of his time. And so, uh, by the fourth dimension the show airs, he'll be perfect, blah.
Greg: Everyone makes mistakes. Hell, history's full of 'em. Betamax... Waterworld... your blood brother who's 16 years younger than y'all... And there'south actually no shame in making mistakes. Just as long as nobody knows about them.

Rabbit Redux (a.thousand.a. Rochester Returns) [i.half dozen] [edit]

Warren: And, uh, you know, I wrote a bunch of jokes, just, uh, I'm not, uh... well, the affair is, I, uh, I wasn't there when Rochie died, and I hadn't seen that tape before. And, frankly, it, uh, moved me. I can think of cipher more beautiful than to depart this globe doing what it is that you dearest. And, in Rochester's case, performing, dancing under those vivid lights, a hoofing cowboy dying with his boots on. So I salute yous, Rochester, my rival, my friend, for going out in a chiliad, theatrical style. And I tip my lid to Greg. Son, you cared enough to give Rochester the greatest gift that a human being can receive. A smile to shape his very last breath. So, to Rochester.
Gil: But, you know, uh, Rochie was a, uh, bit of a health nut. He always stuck to a balanced diet. A beverage in each hand.
[cricket chirping]
Gil: 'Cause the diet was... counterbalanced. Okay, I put together a little video tribute. 'Cause it's not the first time Rochester's died on stage.
[cricket chirping]
Cricket: Yo, back off. The guy's funny.
Alison: And equally a network executive, Rochie was always accusing me of existence potent and cold. Right back at ya, Rochie!
[rim shot]
Dottie: And as a beloved television star, Rochester touched millions of adoring fans. Fortunately, only vi of them pressed charges.
[rim shot]
Jack: Yous know, we were all, uh, shocked when, uh, Rochie had a heart attack. Smart coin was on liver failure.
[rim shot]
Greg: Oh, this doesn't seem like a very respectful funeral. Look what they've done to Rochester.
Jimmy: Well, Greg, when some people die, it'due south a fourth dimension to be sad. You lot know, but when others die, similar the Irish or actually evil people, it's a time to celebrate.
Alison: Ooh, this is really hard for me to say -- and I'1000 only saying it considering I don't want to run into you become hurt. I think Jimmy is flirting with you considering he wants to get me jealous.
Susan: Oh, delight! What would he want with a hairless, 2-breasted woman, when he tin can have all this?
Alison: --I'm just proverb that I recall it was kind of bizarre for you lot to call me on my jail cell phone to tell me that jail cell phones give you cancer. Do you--
Gil: Hey, Warren, you shouldn't boot Rochie when he's down.
Warren: Oh, right, correct. Like when you fired him from his job of 15 years, and tossed him out onto the street. You lot replaced him with Greg, and you hired him back to be our manservant.
Gil: Uh, no. I did that when he was on top. I'one thousand saying, don't kick him when he's downwardly. There'due south a departure.
Warren: Heh heh. Oh, ol' Rochie, Rochie. How far the mighty have fallen.
Rochester: It'due south but a petty dry spell -- I'll be dorsum. I'g like John Travolta in between Grease and Lurid Fiction.
Warren: Yes, well, until Quentin Tarantino swoops in, in that location's an overflowing toilet in the men's can.
Greg: No, await, Rochester. Expect, Mr. Bough, if you lot don't hire Rochester, and then I quit!
Rochester: You lot would exercise that for me?
Greg: Yep, I would.
Rochester: And so, Gil, are you recasting? 'Cause I'm bachelor.
Jimmy: Hi, Susan. Looking good.
Susan: H-H-Hi, Jimmy.
Jimmy: Yous scent dainty. What's that aroma yous're wearing?
Susan: Scotchguard.
Alison: Are you lot okay?
Jimmy: Oh, yep, it's nothing. It's something I got playing rugby.
Alison: You play rugby?
Jimmy: Yeah. Don't let my acme or... weight or... build or... delicate features fool you lot.
Greg: Oh, sorry, Jimmy. I was having that nightmare again.
Jimmy: What, the "buried alive" nightmare?
Greg: Yeah. This fourth dimension, they were singing some happy song, and then all all of a sudden, it got nighttime and unpleasant, similar an Andrew Lloyd Weber musical.
Jack: [singing] Many things are good to take, like a swim out on the lake.
Blah: [singing] Have a walk or take a hike. Take a ride on your new bike, blah.
Dottie: [singing] Accept a railroad train to New Orleans.
Jack: [singing] Accept a expect at my bluish jeans.
Greg: [singing] Take my temperature when I'm sickly.
Warren: [singing] Relax, this volition be over quickly.
Dottie: [singing] But never take what isn't yours in your grubby, niggling paws.
Jack: [singing] Greg, isn't that what you have done?
Greg: [singing] Come on, guys, this isn't fun.
Dottie: [singing] Taking something causing grief.
Jack/Apathetic/Dottie/Warren: [singing] Admit it, Greg, you are a thief. Acknowledge it, admit it, admit it, admit it, admit information technology, admit information technology...

Surprise! [i.vii] [edit]

Greg: Looking back, it was pretty amazing how nosotros all stuck by each other... Fifty-fifty Alison took one for the team... Well, nosotros spent the whole day pretending to be a family. And the biggest surprise of the night was that we already were one.
Warren: Why the hell are you wearing a dress?
Jack: Hmm? Oh, this. Yeah, huh, funny story at that place. Hank Thompson -- guy at my gun society -- starts shooting style better than he commonly does. So I ask him what his hole-and-corner is. Ladies underpants, he says. It relaxes him, slows his heartbeat, which steadies his aim. So I tried it, and I started shooting a lot meliorate. So I added skirt, wig, makeup, some pumps -- next thing you know, I'm elevation marksman at my gun club. Oh, and you lot know what else? Works for bowling, too.
Greg: That's weird. They never let me wearable my own shoes when I'm bowling.
Gil: Yeah. That'south the weird part.
Alison: Jack, the woman from TV Guide is hither.
Jack: Oh, no, you're kidding. This is and then embarrassing... Expect at this place -- information technology's a mess!
Warren: Yes, well, perhaps you lot'd like to slip into a French maid's outfit and tidy up a scrap.
Alison: Laura, have yous interviewed Count Blah nonetheless? He is such a talent, and and then professional.
Warren: Oh, yes, if by professional, yous mean stealing his entire act from a Sesame Street character.
Blah: That's a filthy lie! That son-of-a-bitch stole my bit, apathetic!
Alison: Blah and the--and the Count from Sesame Street have this, like, playful rivalry. I dearest when you practice that. It's totally imitation.
Blah: False, just like his accent. I'm from Romania. He's from New Jersey. And I'll tell you another thing near him. Yes, he once showed up in an emergency room with 1, 2, 3 -- three gerbils!
Warren: "...if you get caught betwixt the moon and New York City..."
Dottie: You know, the distance betwixt the moon and New York City actually varies due to the moon'south elliptical orbit.
Warren: Oh, elliptical. Well, my, my -- they must be using some clumsily large words on the Cartoon Network.
Dottie: Actually, Laura, I studied astronomy in college. In fact, I graduated with a perfect One thousand.P.A. Whereas the just 4.0 Warren ever got was on a breathalyzer examination.
Gil: Boy, you lot actually brought a synthesizer.
Warren: Yes, well, nothing but the best for Blah'south birthday.
Gil: It's Jack'due south birthday.
Warren: Yeah, whatsoever. Come on, shove aside, Bough -- the reporter can't see me.
Alison: Warren, Warren, we take exactly 3 hours to plan a surprise political party for Jack, okay? Spread the give-and-take.
Warren: Oh, good God, this isn't going to be like the fourth dimension yous threw me a party then cleaned out my liquor cabinet, is it?
Alison: That wasn't a party; that was an intervention.
Alison: Oh, hey! Yay! Await who's here! Everybody, this is Laura Carlson from Goggle box Guide.
Jimmy: Oh, wow. I hope she'due south as easy as their crossword puzzles.
Greg: No kidding. I would like to run across a magician attempt to pull me out of her.
Alison: Yeah, the whole angle is going to exist how, fifty-fifty backside the scenes, we're 1, big, happy family.
Jack: Yeah, right.
Alison: Yeah, right, and if we do this right, we could wind up on the cover, which would exercise incredible things for me. U.s.a.. The bear witness.
Warren: This could exist perfect. I could plug my CD entitled, "It's Delightful, It's Delicious, It's Demontague."
Alison: As much as I would dearest yous to get plug yourself, Warren, this is not the time.
Greg: Leo Tolstoy began "Anna Karenina" past writing that all happy families resemble one another, while every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Yeah, that'southward right -- I've read the kickoff page of a lot of books.

Father & Son Reunion [1.eight] [edit]

Greg: Well, when you think about it, father-son relationships are a lot similar omelets. You lot know, the more you put into them, the better they're going to exist. Nobody likes them when they're common cold, and if y'all want to make a adept one, sometimes y'all got to break a few eggs.
Warren: Listen, I demand to fill some seats tonight. Uh, how'd y'all like come to my play?
Tardy: I like to play with Warren.
Warren: No, uh, Tardy. I will be in a play. You lot understand? Performing.
Tardy: I'grand not 'upposed to eat the Legos.
Warren: Oh God, information technology's similar talking to Keanu Reeves.
Jimmy: You never tell me anything.
Jimmy'southward Mother: I tell you lot things! Like when grandma had a stroke --
Jimmy: Grandma had a stroke!?
Jimmy'southward Mother:Yes, only don't worry - she can still criticise my every conclusion with the left side of her trunk.
Gil: I'm losing everything. Sandy and I are getting a divorce.
Blah: Y'all're kidding. What happened?
Gil: Oh, yous know, she says I spend also much time in the office. Uh, you know, uh, I'g non affectionate enough. Uh, I'm distant. Uh, I pat my fingers too much. Y'all know, I'm inexpensive. Uh, I breathe funny. You lot know, I don't mind. Who knows what she'south saying half the time.
Greg: History is filled with fathers and sons who just can't get along. Oedipus and Mr. Oedipus. Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader. Son of Sam and Sam. You know, it makes y'all wonder if fathers and sons will always exist destined to collide.
Jimmy: I don't know if this is going to piece of work.
Greg: Dude, it's time travel. How hard could information technology be? If I'm successful, I will go back to 1988 and stop them from making Back to the Future 3.
Warren: Why is there then much wrong and then lilliputian right? Where have the saints gone marching tonight? What won't you do for the almighty cadet?
Jimmy: Is information technology but me, or does this thing suck?

Piddler on the Roof [one.9] [edit]

Greg: Then no 1 likes to be the bad guy. Well, alright, except for skilled character actors like Alan Rickman. But the point is, you know, if yous're the one calling the shots, well, then there's always going to exist some people who get, well, pissed. Just there are also always going to be people who volition look out for you lot, and make sure that they've got you covered no matter what comes downwards.
Warren: Y'all know about my movie.
Alison: Your agent called. Come across you bright and early in the morning, Professor Ape.
Warren: I don't recall and so. Considering I quit.
Alison: You tin can't quit. We treasure you here, Warren. Plus, y'all're contractually obligated.
Warren: Forcefulness me to appear, and my performances will exist soulless, unimpassioned and sterile.
Gil: Skillful. And then everything's back to normal.
Tardy: [when asked by his boss if he likes Allison the network executive] I love Allison.
Allison How practise yous like ashtrays?
Tardy I love ashtrays.
Warren: I'g thrilled, sir! I am honored! I, um, well, yous know, Gary, I--I would like to talk to you lot about, uh, you know, some, uh, clunky writing at that place in the second act.
Gary: Merely... it's Shakespeare.
Warren: Aye. Yeah. Alright, I'll make it work.
Gary: When you're set. Um, we've, uh, we've got a lot of people to see.
Warren: Oh, yes. Well, of form yous do. Uh, many fine choices out there... if you're looking to put the "Ham" in "Village."
Alison: Yeah, well, I can't deed. And I can't sing. I--I tried to write. I-I tried writing a--a script for Total House. It was actually, really horrible.
Dottie: Well, that's okay. Most scripts don't get anywhere.
Alison: No, they fabricated it.
Warren: Alright, mind. Uh, sometimes when people beverage a little too much, they tend to... hallucinate.
Greg: Yeah, they also tend to urinate, which is what I saw yous doing last night.
Blah: Gary Oldman. You ever see his Dracula? Bad hair.
Greg: Y'all know, yous made her cry, man. You injure her feelings.
Warren: Oh, please. She is a network robot, okay? They didn't program her model with feelings.
Dottie: 'Crusade she always seems so sad.
Blah: Don't you mean cranky, blah?
Dottie: What most Cranky? Nosotros invited him.
Cranky: Yeah, well, I own't comin', ya bastards!
Greg: Being in a position of authorization rarely makes you popular. In high school, I thought my service as a hall monitor might have gotten me elected homecoming king. But instead, it made me the football game squad'due south favorite toilet castor.
Warren: Of class. Of grade. Well, let her know that I would be willing to do a monologue on the show tomorrow. Perhaps Claudius' angst over the murder of his brother might be fun for the kiddies.
Gil: Okay, uh, who'southward the comic genius who took a whiz in Alison's car last night?
Dottie: Oh, my God. That's horrible.
Warren: Uh, well, I tin't believe it. Who could be so immature?
Jack: Well, at to the lowest degree she has, uh, saucepan seats.
Gil: Look, I'm serious. Whoever did this, you're in big trouble.
Blah: You said "urine," blah.
Gil: I'm serious! She's really pissed!

Blah Bawls [1.10] [edit]

Greg: You know, I actually learned something that day. Something besides the fact that Jimmy has to become a new car, considering, permit me tell you, these little side trips to the cemetery are way as well emotionally draining. I learned that, you lot know, even though information technology's scary to let go of the past, being able to exercise so is a truthful examination of character.
Blah: Oh, you'll be fine. Besides, if y'all're always retracing your footsteps, yous'll never make new ones, blah.
Warren: That's a piffling odd coming from somebody whose thought of a hot engagement is to sob uncontrollably to a marble slab.
Maggie: You are a pompous, self-centered monkey!
Warren: Y'all are a shallow, manipulative trollop!
Gil: Hey, why don't nosotros all calm downwards earlier somebody says something untrue.
Maggie: And I'll have you know, Apathetic is the greatest lover I've ever had. Talk nigh a G-spot? He found the whole damn alphabet.
Maggie: Warren, stop information technology. At that place is nothing going on between Gil and me. I mean, wait at him!
Gil: Hi. Person with feelings standing here.
Maggie: Despite what you think, I wouldn't just sleep with annihilation.
Gil: Anything? Hey, y'all married an ape and slept with a vampire!
Dottie: Look, I know Jack'south a piddling foreign. But he'due south not stalking you. When would he have the time, with all his anger management classes and gun club meetings?
Gil: This thing betwixt yous and Maggie. Is it, uh, serious?
Blah: No, it's just a quondam thing. Well, technically, it'southward a four-time affair. But only 1 nighttime.
Gil: 4?
Blah: I'm a little rusty...
Gil: Alright, how the hell did that happen?
Blah: Oh, it'due south all Jimmy and Greg'south fault, blah. They took me to this silly phone bar, and... well, I haven't been with anyone in vi years, and Maggie was there, and 1 affair led to another, and the next thing I know, she's blahing me.
Greg: And then, patently, poor Apathetic has been visiting his married woman's grave every day for, similar, six years.
Jimmy: Well, in all fairness, it's non like she tin become to his place.
Dottie: My uncle, Dan, was a romantic like this. He used to visit the spot where my aunt was cached all the time. That's how the FBI finally found the body.
Gil: ...simply Alison at the network just hated your "Trust Song," so she's making me fire you lot.
Psycho Author: What? I put my heart and soul into that vocal.
Gil: I know. I know, and it shows, information technology sh--please. And I quote your song, "May my bones be crushed in moldy dust. If you can't trust, you tin't trust, you can't tru-uh-ust me" when I say that I loved your song... Now your office has been cleaned out, boxes are already in your car, so off you go.
Psycho Writer: This sucks. [storms out]
[Alison enters]
Alison: What was that about?
Gil: Oh, nothing. The writer of "The Trust Song" just quit.
Alison: Oh, really? Oh, I loved that vocal.
Gil: Hey, nosotros all did.
Greg: Sometimes we become and so attached to things that information technology becomes hard to move on. Things like old cars... bad relationships... my pet snake who loved to slumber in the driveway.

Dottie Heat [1.11] [edit]

Warren: No, it is not end of discussion, Gil! I do not want to sing this song with Dottie! I practice not want to sing this song with Blah! I want to sing it all by myself! You hear me? Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!
Gil: I do not recall this is a good mental attitude for the Sharing Vocal.
Dottie: Oh, Greggy. I tin't believe you stood up and defended my honour like that. No man has ever, ever done that for me earlier. It was and so... masculine.
[She kisses him]
Greg: Hey, looks similar I could utilise a fiddling cloth softener.
Gil: Okay, people. Allow'south set upwards for the birthday greetings. I've got a network note hither. Susie and Kenny are now Shaniqua and Carlos.
Jimmy: Charlie Sheen creepy, or Charlie Manson creepy?
Alison: It was, like, your own brand of creepy.
Jimmy: Wait a infinitesimal. Don't--don't tell me that y'all actually get for that... big, dumb, good-looking, you know, working-out, hair-brushing, shaving--
Alison: What, have you lot, like, watched too many sitcoms where the--the quirky underdog who steals the heart of the unattainable woman? This is the real world, my friend.
Warren: You lot and Dottie last nighttime. What happened in the bedroom?
Greg: Oh! Oh, well, uh, we bounced effectually a lot. So much in fact, we bankrupt her bed. And--and then she banged me upward confronting the wall.
Apathetic: Mazel tov, blah.
Jimmy: Uh... so just to be perfectly clear, you actually nailed her?
Greg: Yeah, I did. You know, I pulled out my fiddling gun, and I nailed her, similar, v times.
Apathetic: Uh, okay. Too much information, blah.
Greg: Eh, what'southward the big bargain? I do it to Jimmy all the fourth dimension.
Warren: Yeah, well, I dancered and prancered that vixen, and, man, was I blitzened. Ah, what do ya know. The well'southward not dry after all.
Blah: Ah, looks similar our trivial bunny is now a rabbit, blah.
Gil: Oh, come on. He'south not like you guys. He's--he's pure, he'south innocent.
Jimmy: They just pulled in together.
Gil: She schtupped him.
Warren: Oh, come on, Blah. You tin't leave now.
Blah: No, I gotta become dwelling house, and, uh, rehearse my lines for tomorrow, apathetic.
Jack: We're doing the alphabet.
Blah: Any numbers?
Jack: You know who I heard had to sell his house?
Blah: Who, blah?
Jack: Snuffleupagus.
Warren: Snuffy? Come up on. He's loaded.
Jack: All went upwards his nose.
Greg: But I'g not cool.
Jimmy: Well, and so merely act like somebody absurd. Who's the coolest guy you lot know?
Greg: Abe Lincoln.
Jimmy: That's a great thought, Greg. You get a pinnacle hat, yous go over to Dottie'southward firm, and and then you gratuitous the slaves.
Blah: Dottie's a fabled girl, and we all love her. Simply the trouble is... she's too needy.
Warren: I like needy. Last yr'south Christmas party, allow's simply say she decked my halls, and I gave her a holy night.
Gil: Lovely, Warren.
Warren: Yes, nosotros were joyful and triumphant. Pah rum pa pum pum.
Gil: Yeah, nosotros get the point.
Warren: Ah, skillful, good, 'cause I'm out of Christmas innuendos... No, expect, uh... she was a heavenly piece.
Greg: Come on, they'd never fire Oscar.
Jimmy: No, I read all almost it. His compress put him on Prozac. He stopped being a grouch.

Sock Like Me [1.12] [edit]

Dr. Aben Mitchell: Hi, I'm Dr. Aben Mitchell. To larn more about anti-puppetism in the workplace, please contact your local library or visit us on the spider web at world wide web.antipuppetismisnolaughingmatter\tartarsauce.org.
Greg: Well, what have you got against puppets?
Jack: Yous love your momma, Greg?
Greg: Uh, you're non gonna hurt her if I say yep, are you?
Dr. Aben Mitchell: OK. Now let's encounter. Um, Alison. OK, now, you lot be the puppet customer. Uh, who would like to be the, uh, waiter who abuses Alison?
Everybody: Me! Me! Me! Me!
Dr. Aben Mitchell: But we must all acquire to tolerate and even gloat our differences. Whether you're flesh, fleece, imperial, plaid or even Chinese.
Guy in Video: So, Fred, did you get that big promotion y'all deserve?
Fred: No, they gave information technology to some stupid puppet, just because he was a puppet.
Guy in Video: Which boob did they requite it to?
Fred: I don't know. They all expect akin. (Edit)
Jimmy: Jack'due south never gonna find out.
Greg: Yeah, well, if he does, I'one thousand leaving you lot my foot for practiced luck.
Alison: Yous got to admit, Jack. It looks pretty similar.
Jack: Oh, I get it. Information technology'south another damn puppet conspiracy, like covering up Oscar'south mob ties. Come up on. Nosotros all know who controls sanitation from Fifth Artery to Sesame Street.
Gil: "Greg the Bunny is a filthy stinking sock who should die, blah." You know, people, if yous don't put your names on the bottom of the paper, I'm non gonna know who wrote 'em.
Blah: That one was mine, apathetic.
Gil: I was kidding. I know it's yours. We're all aware of your ridiculous verbal tic.
Blah: Hey, apathetic me.
Alison: See? Anti-puppetism is an extremely sensitive issue, Gil. Especially at present during Puppet History Calendar month.
Gil: Is it October already?
Alison: Tin I have everyone'south attention, please? Nosotros have a trouble, and it could very easily plough into a situation.
Jack: That'south network lingo for, "I've got to cover my ass."
Warren: Ho, non in that skirt, baby!
Warren: Yeah, well, I'thou telling you, that second-rate PBS hack doesn't even eat the cookies, OK? They just crumble up and fall correct out of his mouth.
Greg: Mmm, first sign of bulimia.
Dottie: You know what I heard? I heard that Bert and Ernie are really directly.
Greg: I have to become to the bathroom.
Gil: Jimmy, why don't you go with him and make sure he doesn't autumn in again.
Jimmy: Aye, that's exactly what I got my Ph.D. for.
Gil: GED. Hey, I'm not some hot chick you're trying to impress at Bennigan's.
Greg: Why practice seagulls fly over the body of water?
Dottie: Hmm. I don't know, Greg.
Greg: Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels!

Jimmy Drives Gil Crazy [ane.thirteen] [edit]

Greg: So what could've been Jimmy's worst mean solar day turned out to be his best. Not but because he got to see that hot girl in her underwear, merely because he finally got to come across how much his father really does care about him. And me, I got to accept a cool adventure in a stolen motorcar with a Goonie! Oh, and every bit far every bit Warren was concerned, Corey Feldman finally got what he deserved. And, incidentally, Jimmy's worst day did come up the post-obit Tuesday, when my new pal, Corey, gave me a videotape, and I brought it to work.
Jimmy: Corey Feldman--oh, y'all mean this was a setup?
Catholic Daughter: No, no, no. I actually am a horny, Catholic schoolgirl who simply happened to be skinny dipping in your pool on my 18th birthday.
Jimmy: Once again, betrayed by porn.
Alison: I hope he gets abroad. I--information technology's great seeing people stick it to authorisation.
Warren: Yes, I'll call up that the next time you give me an acting note.
Alison: Warren, "Sober up" is non an acting note.
Jimmy: No, I'one thousand just trying to explicate--
Gil: No, no, no, y'all're not listening. I don't intendance. Hither's what I practice care almost. Tapes getting to places. Lunches getting to people. Complainers getting back to work. Delivering the tapes and the lunches to the people and the places. Run across? That's your job. You're the gofer.
Gopher: Gopher? I thought I was the gopher? Are we getting a new gopher? Oh, God. I have to telephone call my agent. I just bought a Porsche.
Greg: We all accept proficient days and bad days. The best twenty-four hours of my life was when the whole 4th grade started using my catchphrase, "Skatchamagowza!" Well, today, it was shaping up to be the best solar day of Jimmy's life.
Jimmy: Y'all know, as fun as that sounds, Warren, I don't have a car.
Warren: Alright, I tell you what. Um, if you're conscientious, you tin take my Mercedes, Betsy.
Jimmy: You named your motorcar?
Warren: Yeah, in tribute to the woman with whom I lost my virginity. And, as I recollect, I besides paid too much for her.
Alison: Jim. Jim, walk with me. Guess what my colleagues back at the network idea of today's script?
Jimmy: What?
Alison: Nothing. They didn't get it.
Jimmy: Well, you do need to know the whole alphabet to understand the jokes.
Jimmy: Hey, that'due south Corey Haim.
Corey Feldman: Corey Feldman!
Jimmy: What did I say?
Greg: Hey, expect a minute! Y'all're Corey Feldman!
Corey Feldman: I thought y'all were a stuffed brute.
Greg: I idea you were in rehab.
Corey Feldman: No, that was Corey Haim.
Greg: And what did I say?
Greg: Ah! Well, Corey Feldman, this is basics! Come on, man, y'all got so much to live for!
Corey Feldman: Similar what?
Greg: Well, for one matter, yous know, there might be a Goonies, Part two.
Corey Feldman: Volition you terminate with the freakin' movies already! Jeez. All I've wanted all my life is just to be thought of as a normal person! I am a normal person! And all I desire is to take a footling dear and happiness, and maybe spread a little joy throughout the earth!
Greg: You mean like your character, Jessie, in Rock 'northward' Curlicue Loftier School Forever?
Gil: I want you to know I--I care about more than than annihilation on earth. You're my special male child.
Corey Feldman: Michael Jackson used to tell me the aforementioned thing.
Alison: Quick, turn on the news! That stupid psycho, Warren, is in a police chase! Unbelievable. I knew he was unstable. I knew that he was gonna embarrass us with his drinking and his whoring and--
Warren: I'chiliad right here!
Alison: Oh, Warren. You're standing right there. Oh, thank God you're okay. I was worried near yous.
Warren: That'southward artfully done, Alison. You know, you plough faster than a young girl at Wellesley.

Cast [edit]

  • Dan Milano - the voices of Greg the Bunny / Warren "the Ape" Demontague
  • Seth Green - Jimmy Bender
  • Eugene Levy - Gil Bough
  • Sarah Silverman - Alison Kaiser
  • Bob Gunton - Junction Jack Mars
  • Dina Waters - Dottie Sunshine
  • Drew Massey - the phonation of Count Apathetic
  • James Murray - the vocalisation of Rochester Rabbit
  • Victor Yerrid - the voices of Tardy The Turtle / Cranky

External links [edit]

Wikipedia

  • Greg the Bunny official homepage, quotes and videos
  • Greg the Bunny quotes at the Internet Flick Database
  • Greg the Bunny at TV tome

mitchellmorant.blogspot.com

Source: https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Greg_the_Bunny

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